Never Gonna leave this age
On my previous posts, I said that I always believe living as forever young. Doesn't mean that I am not getting older, but yes my age is added every year, my physics aging every time, my mind map is wiser every day but one thing I keep holding on that my spirit is stay forever young.
Yes seems like a denial, rite? I am like someone who doesn't want to face the reality. Well, if you said so, but frankly..I strongly hold it until recent days...
Wait hang on..not so soon, I will tell the chronology before.
I_ someone who always treated as the youngest among my peoples since my childhood, believed that being young is a choice. I tend to disregard the signs surround me. First sign is when almost all my friend are getting married..but that facts keep slip on my mind is.."Oh so what...?"
Second sign, I enter work group with older peoples whose talk adult stuffs every day... and i just commented.."Ah, nice!! its an education though."
Third sign, I am become an auntie to my friend's daughters and sons. But my response is..."Well,, allowed me to be your favorite auntie."
Fourth, there are some freshman entering my workplace and started calling me 'big sis' and I was just asking.."Great!hey fellowman, copy me some docs.."
Fifth, I feel awkward when I went to the theatre just want to see a premiere for a-parental-guidance movie. Couldn't hang on between loudy and smelly teenagers, I started to thinking..."Oh wow, Looks like I am the minority here."
Sixth, I started to ask to my fellowman about some stuffs like..what is swag? what is hipster? who is robbin? and whose Zac Effron's girlfriend now? Is the Wanted a boysband? (though it is very unimportant but being update is my third wheel).
Seventh, when I stop reading cosmo girl and started to enjoy reading Femina...(oh God NO!!!!!)
Eight, creme de la creme is some other night when I went to Menteng Park, accompanying my colleague to meet rollerblade community. When I got there, I started to protest why the park is so dark, why there is a lot of couple there, and then when i sitting thereall alone , watching the rollerbladder enhance their hobby..my enlighten process is begin....
I started to make conversations with one of the member of the group. In fact, he is 30 years old and doing the rollerblade things just for hobby. My memories brought back when I was a 'swag' in junior high school. I do rollerblade, and get expert in that and then I realize it is million times ago.
I saw dance community in there, and remains me of my glorious of cheerleaders day in high school.
Yes, now I realized that over these years, I ain't going anywhere. I am not doing the youth stuff anymore, but my mind never move on from my age.
I do responsible stuff as an adult, yet I denied to accepting the reality that I am not young anymore. Can you get it? my mind isn't syncrhonize with my acts. These things make me never stop to missing my glorious day.
Yes, I have a superb life when I was in high school (you can see it how I admire my best friends in high school and my valuable life that time). Yes I have my very happy time in college by having a very solid friends, and super loyal best friend. And then what?????
In fact, those only brings sweet memories in my mind map then turning become sadness, thinking how i really want to fly back to those time....I wish I have Doraemon.
Finally I realized that if I never able to move on from my teenage and waste my present time.
Answering my bestfriend couple days ago, "Don't you want become a mom?" (her eyes is sparkling when she said that while watching her daughter playing).That time I didn't give her straight answer.Which woman didn't want to be a mom? I am sure almost 99% woman want it!
I give a lot of thought about that and finally I concluded my state of mind is still : "I will be a supercool auntie for your little girl, I don't mind giving her anything she asked (as long I can affort it) or teach him any studies. But as a mom?"
I shouldn't wait the right time to create another glorious days of my certain chapter of life. This is the day, this is the minute and this is the moment.
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