Beautiful Goodbye

"Kiss on My Forehead"

It is 02.00 am. I sit on a bench, waiting for my train to picked me up. You are sitting by my side, yet we are so quiet.
I think about many things. My memories are flooding me up. Like pushed the right button, I remember everything. I remember how I saw you for the first time, a handsome man with too many idealisms. Back there, you were so noisy, complaining about stuffs that shouldn't worked this and that way. You had have too many ideas to fix the traditions. Truth is I never falling in love with your ideas, I just falling in love with the idea of handsome creature combine with smart brain. I was teenager that time.

Then I remember how you falling in love with me. You were falling in love with your bestfriend. A girl with man-brain. A girl who always thinks like a man. You said that I am the first person that made you fall for real. Did I was your first love?

Do you remember how you kissed me for the first time? A cold lips on my forehead at our separated day. You said : "I finally kissed you, ironically on the day when you left me."
I am not cry that time, because I am not yet understand how valueable you are in my life.
Now, 7 years already past and when I remember our silent goodbye, my heart is bleeding.
Now you hurt me more than the day I hurt you 7 years ago.
I never wants you back in my life, yet releasing you is the most suffering time in my life.
May be I am too selfish if I always want to hold your hand, but refuse to be yours.
May be I am losing my mind, seeing your beautiful face made me unable to trace my logic.
May be my pride is just hurt, seeing how easy you let me go.
I am here, sitting on your side, separated on a very thin centimeters from you, yet we are feel so far.
I want you to hug me, calm me down and help to loose out my hurt. Yet your hands are stiff. Cold weather didn't affect you. What's happen with your warm heart?
Then I heard you said calmly : "I don't know what to say but it is tearing me apart."
One sentence that suddenly easening my pain. The fact that you are also hurt, made me believe that once I've been in your heart, I ever became the first thing you ever thought when you are wake up in the morning.
You hold my hand, but my heart is the one which feel warm. You look into my eyes, and I saw the thin glass in your eyes then I realized, that's how I saw love for the first time lied in your eyes.
For these time, your love for me is remain unchange.
But we also know that we never be together. That same reason which separated us 7 years ago, couldn't be change.
What hurt us most is not because the fact that we are separated this way. The reason is just we know that each of us is the best thing that ever happen in our life.
And then my train is arrive. I will take my leave, 250 kms away from you, heart-separated forever from you.
You hug me. Wipe tears from my eyes and whisper to my ear."When you are smile, you are very bright. Goodnight, and goodbye my star."
In the middle of noisy sound of the train machine, you kiss my forehead
I finally smile and say to him "You always kiss me whenever we say goodbye."
You also smile to me. Same smile that I will miss for my whole life,
It hurts me but I nodded. I understand that It is the right time for me to release your hand, and your love..
"Don't look Back"

I never want to leave this town. I would never leave you behind.
I am hugging you tightly, refusing every single words come out from your lips.
I just don't want to miss you a lot. The city where I will be seems always be so quiet.
I was never alone in that city, but yet i feel so lonely.
Don't you understand that I don't want to leave you?
I hate that city. The air is so thick in there, the sound is too noisy, the building is too crowd.
But you still ask me to go there, ignoring the fact that there is no you in there.
You packed my bag, pick me up to the airport.
Now here I am, in the middle of hundreds people, holding my tears from falling.
You said this is the part of growing up. People left, someone will come and replace someone's position in my heart.
I said I remember the day when I first met you when you told me that you never leave me behind.
And you are smile to me, on your very sweet smile. You replied me that you never leave me behind. This is just one memorable phase of our life and somethen I will thank you for never held me back.
I say I remember that your promise that you will never break my heart.
You hold my hand and put it on your heart and said that one day, someone will repair my broken heart and give me more than what you can give me till this day.
Should I give up on you?
You replied that it is a must.
I cannot hold my tears. Why you just so calm when you know the fact that you won't ever meet me again?
You said because you still have me. Every time, you take a walk in this city, you will remember every single time you spent time with me. May be my memories will nearly killed you for several months, but then you will smile, remembering how great memories we ever made, no regret left. Because I always be your happy memory, you said.
Because loving me is the best thing you ever do as human, and you proud of me.
Because letting me go mean that you give me a best chance.
And then I said you are bullshitting me.
Smiling, you hugging me once again. You said One day, when I never looking back again, I will agree that sometimes separated is not the worst thing in our life. That day will come...when I meet the replacement of you.
How can you be so calm?
Because you only want give me the sweetest goodbye.
And I release your hand. Suddenly hating you because you are so cold to me.
It would be like a circle, I said. Leaving someone behind, and meet the new one to be left behind once again at the future. What's the point of falling in love if it is meant to be broken one day?
Like a fool you told me that one day the cycle will be come to the end, when I meet my love of my life.
It is just not me.
Not me. You said several times, want to doctrinating me. Though currently I am bleeding, dried up from happiness. One day I will be exploded with happiness. One day when I visit this city in the future, I will be able explore this city with laugh, no more pain.
I just hope you are right.
and I take that as a wish.
Goodbye. I said.
Goodbye, my sweetest goodbye.
notes : the story above is 50% fiction, 50% reality. :D
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


  1. waseemmm...tiwas moco njelimet ngartekno..dadakno ngisore tulisane 50% fiksi.....tapi gak popo wes, paling penulise isin kate ngomong yo iku kabeh realitane....wkakwak....kue lapis kue molen...pisss lenn



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